我想念!

People always say dreams reflect on what your innermost thoughts!

I had a dream yesterday night which reflects on what I am missing! I dreamt that Mirana, Huiling, Siti & myself was at somewhere but I could not fit into their circles! Yes, I admit after I went CTSICU since 27 January 2014, I already don't belong CCU member already. I feel left out! I have made new friends but our relationship have not grow yet & I left again for another rare opportunity. My distance between CCU & CTSICU is even further! I could not join them in their daily activities like nursing patients, attend emergency, have food feast, join in their party, share their joy! I am now a stranger to them. We do not share the common topics, only hi & bye between us. I am missing all these...working today no matter free or busy day, buying food to share before or after work, sharing a similar incident or topic, getting praise or scolding from a same supervisor or doctor etc. I cannot go back anymore. I feel lonely. Last Friday, there was a celebration at CCU, they ordered Durian cake & I told A & B that I like Durian cake. A kept a slice for me & wrote my name on a piece of paper to cover it. When A sms me, I was in a panic mode cos A wrote my name but I am not a staff there so shouldn't keep for me so I quickly finish my work & rush to CCU & swallow the cake before anyone realised that I eat the cake. Am I too sensitive?!

Now I am like alone wearing heavy amour everyday except saturday & sunday fighting the battle alone. So sad! I used to sleep like a pig til 10.30am then wake up to prepare for work & buy yummiest food to work! Now, always Kopitiam, Caffe & toast, houseman canteen, cheers & vending machine! Ok la! Sometimes TBM or Mama shop or Lele steamboat. No more as & when MT :( No company :(  No friends :(  What future life have I choosen? I hate this kind of feeling!!!

Whenever, I hear about my colleagues complain about Pink, I will like why why? Why? I enrol myself in this shit! Stupid gal!

I just have to fine tuned myself to get use to this new lifestyle. Accept the fact the day u went away!

Boring Sunday! I am lazy to do anything. Husband is on business trip!