I have been in CTSICU for about 2months already! So fast! Common Qns from the crowds are: Do u like CTSICU? Do you want to stay here? Did you chose to come here? How long will you be here? Any difference from CCU? More things that in CCU to learn? Ah! U SSN(clinical) already? I thought you are a newly graduated SN attached to CTSICU...not one staff but a few asked me! Have you studied your advanced diploma? Sometimes, my silly but abit clever brain asked me if I should answer them truthfully or with reserve because I don't know them, not sure if they are good or bad?! Some questions .....I've forgotten already! Shall update when they ask me again! I like my preceptor because she is nice, not so fierce and very pleasant person...of course I do feel pressurised at times because there are so many things that I do not know. Now, I've get use to most of the routines but not all the RNs. Well, I give myself 2years to stay in CTSICU to learn most of their stuffs. I like to do dressing. I know more about chest tube, not so fearful about it. But there are also evil people la that wants to make my life unpleasant! Hate it! So stay away from me...evil forces.
Opportunity has come to knock on my door! One day...
Marilyn asked me via sms if I'm interested to join HF team for office hour anot!? I was abit tempted because I have plan to do office hour and maybe specialty. I have no special talents, not clever, not a management person. But so many Questions & uncertainty in my mind. My salary will be lesser...because no ward allowance, no meal allowance, no night shift allowance...$ is very important for me due to my current situations. Can I manage the work flow? Am I up to my boss's standards? Will CTSICU or management allow me to be transferred? My degree is still in progrwas and can they accommodate my schedule? Stressed again! On the good side...in HF, got Marilyn & Symsul to guide me about the work flow. I work office hours, one saturday per month, off on PH. See what's the outcome & I update again. Everything is not confirmed so...I will keep my mouth SHUT to prevent rumors from killing me softly.
I believe ..."everything happens for a reason!" Hope for best outcome for me!
Too STRESSED or too HOT?!
Last night, I woke up suddenly because I got nose bleed for no reason! Got a shock but I manage it calmly and it stopped eventually and I slept again. I woke up 1hr 30mins later to prepare to go to work. Now I'm also having auntie visit...losing alot blood le! What if one day I just died in my dream? I have so many things I have done or say yet! My husband had been too buat & stressed with work & he doesn't share much of his matters or worries with me.....Am I complaining? Yes, I'm, I feel I'm like nOt his best buddies, best friend, best wife...share with more, look at ur Hp less for an half an hour is good enough. Okay, treasurethe possible talk time with before it's too late!
Dad....Pallative care....
Dad....Pallative care....
I wonder sometimes if my dad understands his condition anot? Everyone dies one day...it's hard for him because his son is not married, no wife, no kids...how to die in peace? I feel so evil n ruthless to tell him we can't live forever, it's not our choice to die on which day & how? His lungs functions left 30% or less and he is waiting for time. Sad but how? Sometimes, I feel useless, bad , evil but then how? I also want to live my life sometimes to enjoy myself! Take one step at a time la! Nobody can help me. Just hope I can cope ......just cry if needed! hahahaa...or just eat....or just run away....
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