Staycation

Ma & Ah Girl 2D1N 1st staycation at Holiday Inn Express on 27.6.15

Thank you LC for the effort & arrangement!

Looking forward to my 2nd & 3rd Singapore Staycation with LC!

18 May 2015

Today is my Dad's 1st death anniversary. One year ago... I was accompanied him through his last journey before he ended his suffering & left us to a better place. Good & bad memories we had together is always on mind. Being a 1st child in Tan's family BUT too bad, I was borne as a daughter instead of son. I was told, it was my 2nd auntie who bought new baby clothes to fetch me home,  my dad is probably too busy. As I grow up, we have so many good & bad times. We get extra pocket money when mu dad work or when he won $. The poorest time is when we had to eat the cheapest instant noodles for sometime. My mom is sick after her miscarriage. My aunties says it was my dad who made her get worse. I don't know. But he still cares for mom. I remembered we bought Macdonald to visit mom at the rehab Centre. Life is tough. I do not want to let anyone know about my situation, I become different!? When I grow older & start dating, dad wasn't "supportive". Well, which father is "supportive"? At least they communicate with each other but for me. We do have some arguments. In yr 2006, I did my ROM. I never thought this day would ever happen due to my "special" family situation.  Dad gradually aged, medications, hospitalized & my responsibilities increased. I was pressurize, emotional, tired, financial drained & sad. Thankfully, my LC is supportive towards me most of the time. Thank you. Frequent visits to Dr Lim, hospital, hospitalization & eventually everything came to an end. Dad n myself  never say "I love you" towards each other but we do care for each other even though I am only a daughter not a son..  I always felt not treated fairly cos I am a daughter.  But dad used to picked durian when he was younger, keep all my favourite bittersweet durian for me, reserved crab claw for me, keep all nice food for me, worried if I will come home anot etc... THANK YOU FOR BEING MY DAD IN MY THIS ONLY LIFE. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART... THE GOOD & BAD TIMES.

爸。。。I LOVE YOU.

爸。。。THANK YOU.

爸。。。SORRY.

Modifying myself

Thank you LC for allowing me to cut my hair short. I am so happy. Meet Wati to go for haircut at Reds Orchard but she is late due to unforeseen situation. Pretty hairdresser Celia asked me what is the length I want to cut? I already thought of it... my answer is shoulder length and I want to do treatment also. Why Celia? Why Reds Orchard cos my buddies trip friend- Jessie aka Ms Pro always go to her for haircut. Actually I went there once before long ago. Me & wati...like most typical Singaporean want to ask for discount but our mouth simply can't do it! The counter have to do closing early, before we complete our hair therapy, the cashier came to bill us... The good news is before we can say anything...Celia already asked the cashier to give us 15% discount. Nice... yes!!! I spent $148 for my hair but I am still quite ok with it because I seldom cut my hair... next thought is to color or highlight my hair. Seek for approval... dear Mr LC!

A Blessed Wedding

Attended my Advanced Diploma friend- Evelyn & Kenny's wedding. A sweet emo emotion rose up. My tears are like pending to roll down anytime while the music & flower girls walking in to the Church. As Evelyn's father held her hand & she looked so radiant, blessed & happy as she walked in and towards Kenny. Evelyn was emotional, choked with her tears on & off while she is delivering her speech. I remembered she said this getting married is not in her plan as she loves to be free & happy. I feel so happy for them & touched.

3D2N Krabi trip

25-27/5/15: 3D 2N Krabi trip with Jessie & Regine

Fly via Tiger air, stay at Ban Sainai Aonang=total cost: $300
Spending: $350

Day 1 Activities: Massage, Starbucks coffee & cake High Tea, street shopping, seafood dinner @ Longtail restaurant, watch TV & snacking then bath sleep.

Day 2 Activities: resort in-house breakfast, took tour guide bus to enjoy our pre-booked activities worth 2500 baht... include 30mins ATV, it was exciting, scary at certain points, I am scare to fall cos it all hard surfaces, stones. Unfortunately, Regine fall at the ending, feel so painful for her. If I was her, I sure Cry... after ATV, we ate some sweet pineapple then set off to next destination- water rafting for 5K. As I am scare of water, I was very careful not letting myself to fall, holding on the rope tightly,  grab whatever that will prevent myself from falling into the water. It was uneventful but enjoyable... After that, we went for elephant trekking- I was scare again cos the elephant have to climb up slope then down slope, carrying me & Regine's plus the guides man's weight... so poor thing, I wouldn't want to try that if possible... then simple lunch... we have rice with fried egg, fried chicken, veg, water & watermelon. We are given a free waterfall destination but super boring then to monkey cave which is also super boring... After all activities, we went back to resort then go for Massage again. This time the massage is disappointing.

IVY😟

My name is IVY.
My character is like my name:
😟I-mai*I-mai- can't make real decisions even simple things like what to eat for lunch or dinner, can't make up my mind, do things slow slow etc, 😟idealistic- always dreaming to be a greater, better person
😟Idolize- people who are smart, pretty & talented people. Usually, I am also jealous them cos my brain contains nothing, I describe my brain as coconut brain, only water, no meat. Hahaha... it makes me feel worthless sometimes. It makes me feel shame shame of myself cos I speak like a brainless idiot. Most of the time I regretted what I have said very fast but it's too late to apologize. Husband- so sorry, I am not ur ideal wifey. Nvm la hor... can't escape from me le!
😛I-irritating- I am like a irritating specimen that can drive u to the wall, vomit blood... I know U don't like me touchy touchy touch u but I can't help it, when I see u, I automatically wants to hold u, grab ur arms, hand etc... I am try to be mindful that U don't like it. (How do I know? *from ur non-verbal cues la! Well, enjoy this irritating wifey while she grabs ur arms before I have return to another world) hahaha.....

V-very fortunate to have my husband who is my most reliable pillar. U are like my "instant" estacy make me happier. I feel like telling u all my unhappiness, happiness, silly & everything cos I know I "instantly" become Cinderella, like a princess 👸 & I am treated like a princess though sometimes u forget my presence. I am so grateful today especially when u know my mom is not well & u came to my rescue on your busy schedule.

Y- I LOVE TO ASK Y? And it's silly Y? For example...Y am I not like others who are steady in their work, Y my brain contains nothing, Y I am less fortunate than some others, Y I am not pretty, Y I am born in the family, Y I am so indecisive, Y I am so lazy, Y I am like others, Y people bully me, Y politics, Y force me, Y can't leave me alone, Y must do research, Y u making me feel so small, Y I can't do or have certain things, Y I can't be like her, Y I don't understand,  Y I don't know my husband well, Y I have little friends, Y people don't like me, Y they need to stab me, Y can't I do whatever I like, Y must u compare, Y must I be a PROFESSIONAL SSN, Y must u do this to me, Y I can't do it correctly like others, WHY??? Am I so stress?

Just to scream out loud with my inner frustrations!

I am not intelligent

I never being intelligent in my whole 35years old. A better word description is STUPID.

Bel say I never think before I say. I totally agreed what she say but still she hurt my fragile heart unintentional.

I talk before processing my thoughts...which will lead me to unpleasant, bad, scary & even death to me when I do this... almost everyday.

Sleepy...