My name is IVY.
My character is like my name:
๐I-mai*I-mai- can't make real decisions even simple things like what to eat for lunch or dinner, can't make up my mind, do things slow slow etc, ๐idealistic- always dreaming to be a greater, better person
๐Idolize- people who are smart, pretty & talented people. Usually, I am also jealous them cos my brain contains nothing, I describe my brain as coconut brain, only water, no meat. Hahaha... it makes me feel worthless sometimes. It makes me feel shame shame of myself cos I speak like a brainless idiot. Most of the time I regretted what I have said very fast but it's too late to apologize. Husband- so sorry, I am not ur ideal wifey. Nvm la hor... can't escape from me le!
๐I-irritating- I am like a irritating specimen that can drive u to the wall, vomit blood... I know U don't like me touchy touchy touch u but I can't help it, when I see u, I automatically wants to hold u, grab ur arms, hand etc... I am try to be mindful that U don't like it. (How do I know? *from ur non-verbal cues la! Well, enjoy this irritating wifey while she grabs ur arms before I have return to another world) hahaha.....
V-very fortunate to have my husband who is my most reliable pillar. U are like my "instant" estacy make me happier. I feel like telling u all my unhappiness, happiness, silly & everything cos I know I "instantly" become Cinderella, like a princess ๐ธ & I am treated like a princess though sometimes u forget my presence. I am so grateful today especially when u know my mom is not well & u came to my rescue on your busy schedule.
Y- I LOVE TO ASK Y? And it's silly Y? For example...Y am I not like others who are steady in their work, Y my brain contains nothing, Y I am less fortunate than some others, Y I am not pretty, Y I am born in the family, Y I am so indecisive, Y I am so lazy, Y I am like others, Y people bully me, Y politics, Y force me, Y can't leave me alone, Y must do research, Y u making me feel so small, Y I can't do or have certain things, Y I can't be like her, Y I don't understand, Y I don't know my husband well, Y I have little friends, Y people don't like me, Y they need to stab me, Y can't I do whatever I like, Y must u compare, Y must I be a PROFESSIONAL SSN, Y must u do this to me, Y I can't do it correctly like others, WHY??? Am I so stress?
Just to scream out loud with my inner frustrations!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
I am not intelligent
I never being intelligent in my whole 35years old. A better word description is STUPID.
Bel say I never think before I say. I totally agreed what she say but still she hurt my fragile heart unintentional.
I talk before processing my thoughts...which will lead me to unpleasant, bad, scary & even death to me when I do this... almost everyday.
Sleepy...
Bel say I never think before I say. I totally agreed what she say but still she hurt my fragile heart unintentional.
I talk before processing my thoughts...which will lead me to unpleasant, bad, scary & even death to me when I do this... almost everyday.
Sleepy...
23/3/2015
It is a sad monday... Mr LKY has went to another world today.
Someone told me that death is a natural process in a life cycle, the differences are how are I going to die & when will it be.
It is never easy to announce that ur loved one passed away. I had this painful experience last year in 18th May 2014 when my Pa passed away in the hospital & I watched him fade away without being able to take away some of his sufferings & pain. But being able to accompany him by his side, I hope he can forgive me. I cannot forget the day before he become drowsy, he is so alert & able to talk to us. My only wish is he could be pain free & no more sufferings. I remembered that the day when his condition deteriorate & the Dr call us to visit him early. We accompanied him, listen to YouTube together, held his hand & asked him for forgiveness & asked him go peacefully. All I can do is to watch him... walking towards death or a better world without sufferings til the next morning when he is really to go. I was ALONE in the hospital. I thought I could hold my emotions & tears but I didn't. When he is alive, I never say..."Pa, I love u!"
To tell u the truth, I hated him sometimes BUT for a short while. Being the first child for my parents, I was told my dad did not pick me up when I was discharge from hospital just because I am baby girl. Why? Baby girl is also a gift from heaven & a love gift. Being a eldest & girl was not easy, feel I am not treated fairly. He forget to think about my future. However, my Pa still dote me, he know I loved bitter durians, crab claw etc & he will reserved for me.
I missed u, Pa... I hope u are in a better place & happy now. Loved YOU.
Be Strong, Lee family.
Someone told me that death is a natural process in a life cycle, the differences are how are I going to die & when will it be.
It is never easy to announce that ur loved one passed away. I had this painful experience last year in 18th May 2014 when my Pa passed away in the hospital & I watched him fade away without being able to take away some of his sufferings & pain. But being able to accompany him by his side, I hope he can forgive me. I cannot forget the day before he become drowsy, he is so alert & able to talk to us. My only wish is he could be pain free & no more sufferings. I remembered that the day when his condition deteriorate & the Dr call us to visit him early. We accompanied him, listen to YouTube together, held his hand & asked him for forgiveness & asked him go peacefully. All I can do is to watch him... walking towards death or a better world without sufferings til the next morning when he is really to go. I was ALONE in the hospital. I thought I could hold my emotions & tears but I didn't. When he is alive, I never say..."Pa, I love u!"
To tell u the truth, I hated him sometimes BUT for a short while. Being the first child for my parents, I was told my dad did not pick me up when I was discharge from hospital just because I am baby girl. Why? Baby girl is also a gift from heaven & a love gift. Being a eldest & girl was not easy, feel I am not treated fairly. He forget to think about my future. However, my Pa still dote me, he know I loved bitter durians, crab claw etc & he will reserved for me.
I missed u, Pa... I hope u are in a better place & happy now. Loved YOU.
Be Strong, Lee family.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
My Wishlists
My Wishlists before u start ur degree...
Watch movie ๐ฅ
Go KTV ๐บ to sing sing sing
ECP
Marmalade Pantry near turf city for night live band
Sentosa
Temporary wishlists...
New added wishlist
Be a gentle wifey
Cook a meal for LC once in a blue moon.
Watch movie ๐ฅ
Go KTV ๐บ to sing sing sing
ECP
Marmalade Pantry near turf city for night live band
Sentosa
Temporary wishlists...
New added wishlist
Be a gentle wifey
Cook a meal for LC once in a blue moon.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
About March Me :)
Lately, I am in love with Jigsaw puzzles. Went shopping with hubby at Bugis & I bought a 300pcs Tontoro puzzle- 75% completed. 12.3.15- bought Eiffel Tower 1000pcs puzzles that cost me $43.90; frame not included, at a shop in Velocity recommended by Oliver.
I also signed up for Kickboxing at promotional price- $588 for 24 lessons over 6months. Currently, I still have 1more lesson from Groupon. I find that Kickboxing is fun but tiring. I love the rapid boxing movements, allow me to vent my frustrations. I think I over do it, now my shoulder is still aching after my 2nd lesson. I hope that I won't regret signing up for the lessons for $588. $100 each month & aim to go for 1 class per week. I aim to at least lose 3 kg over the 6months. It is because I am gluton, I love to eat. Currently, my weight is 53kg as of March 2015, my aim is to be 50kg by September 2015. Will I be able to achieve my goal? To be evaluate in September.
Yesterday, I met KPO aunties in the lift & they asked me when am I getting married. My reply to their question is SMILE. She then SAY..."this yr u ALREADY 36 hor, u same age as my daughter hor, faster get married & pregnant, if not difficult!!! My reply was, SMILE & say 37 already!! Inside my heart- mind ur business please. Having a kid is probably every women's wish, duty & ways to prove that u r a woman who has functioning reproductive system. It is like a man should have their own career that proves their abilities. Each man or woman is an unique individual who may or may not fufil their gender assignments. Nevertheless, thank u KPO aunties for ur concern but u all don't need to worry too much for me.
Yesterday, 3rd uncle & auntie invited me & mom to their place for dinner. 3rd auntie commented that my skin is fair & smooth. Then 3rd uncle say, "I think Ah Hwa put on weight that's y her face looks fair & better circulation." Yes, I have gained some weight. Then 3rd uncle say, "Ah Hwa, u got white hair ah?" Yes, I have many white hair. Good observations. Dinner was simple but yummy. Soup & steamed fish. I am going to keep a lookout for the temporary stall that sells the sauce for steaming fish, I liked it. I asked them to cook for me sometimes & I passed $ to them to get the ingredients. They agreed. (* Last night, I dreamt LC went to 3rd uncle house with to have dinner ^.^...funny!)
Pre-BD celebration dinner with Buddies trip friends-W, J, R & I on 13 March 2015. Had my favourite Japanese restaurant set dinner, followed by desserts at TCC. Gossiping sessions... J suppose to be the hot favourite candidate to be promoted to NC but missed. Another candidate, M got it! When M got it, NC OBG called to ask ADN T why J did not get promoted?! J has been a hot favourite & ADN T likes her alot & has intention to promote her. It's all politics la! When ADN T saw J, she said this to her, " M get promoted before u doesn't she is better than U?!" So sad, if I am M & I heard this. Whatever it is, just hear & blog here & not to say this to anybody else if I still want my life & job. Heard from J & W that M is not well liked by ADN T, but I saw with my own eyes before the promotion results is out, M went to see ADN T & they were in good conditions! Scary, all so fake? I also fake sometimes at work to keep myself alive. Sometimes, die also don't what is the reasons.
Sleepy le...byezzz
I also signed up for Kickboxing at promotional price- $588 for 24 lessons over 6months. Currently, I still have 1more lesson from Groupon. I find that Kickboxing is fun but tiring. I love the rapid boxing movements, allow me to vent my frustrations. I think I over do it, now my shoulder is still aching after my 2nd lesson. I hope that I won't regret signing up for the lessons for $588. $100 each month & aim to go for 1 class per week. I aim to at least lose 3 kg over the 6months. It is because I am gluton, I love to eat. Currently, my weight is 53kg as of March 2015, my aim is to be 50kg by September 2015. Will I be able to achieve my goal? To be evaluate in September.
Yesterday, I met KPO aunties in the lift & they asked me when am I getting married. My reply to their question is SMILE. She then SAY..."this yr u ALREADY 36 hor, u same age as my daughter hor, faster get married & pregnant, if not difficult!!! My reply was, SMILE & say 37 already!! Inside my heart- mind ur business please. Having a kid is probably every women's wish, duty & ways to prove that u r a woman who has functioning reproductive system. It is like a man should have their own career that proves their abilities. Each man or woman is an unique individual who may or may not fufil their gender assignments. Nevertheless, thank u KPO aunties for ur concern but u all don't need to worry too much for me.
Yesterday, 3rd uncle & auntie invited me & mom to their place for dinner. 3rd auntie commented that my skin is fair & smooth. Then 3rd uncle say, "I think Ah Hwa put on weight that's y her face looks fair & better circulation." Yes, I have gained some weight. Then 3rd uncle say, "Ah Hwa, u got white hair ah?" Yes, I have many white hair. Good observations. Dinner was simple but yummy. Soup & steamed fish. I am going to keep a lookout for the temporary stall that sells the sauce for steaming fish, I liked it. I asked them to cook for me sometimes & I passed $ to them to get the ingredients. They agreed. (* Last night, I dreamt LC went to 3rd uncle house with to have dinner ^.^...funny!)
Pre-BD celebration dinner with Buddies trip friends-W, J, R & I on 13 March 2015. Had my favourite Japanese restaurant set dinner, followed by desserts at TCC. Gossiping sessions... J suppose to be the hot favourite candidate to be promoted to NC but missed. Another candidate, M got it! When M got it, NC OBG called to ask ADN T why J did not get promoted?! J has been a hot favourite & ADN T likes her alot & has intention to promote her. It's all politics la! When ADN T saw J, she said this to her, " M get promoted before u doesn't she is better than U?!" So sad, if I am M & I heard this. Whatever it is, just hear & blog here & not to say this to anybody else if I still want my life & job. Heard from J & W that M is not well liked by ADN T, but I saw with my own eyes before the promotion results is out, M went to see ADN T & they were in good conditions! Scary, all so fake? I also fake sometimes at work to keep myself alive. Sometimes, die also don't what is the reasons.
Sleepy le...byezzz
Friday, February 27, 2015
I don't understand why?
I don't understand why..... human never LISTEN ๐?
Let's start off with my MOM... told her not to eat this, drink that, do not do this, just do that BUT she simply couldn't listen, understanding & follow what I say!!! I could only nag nag nag, explain explain explain & repeat myself ample times with no positive results!!! I cry, I become monster ๐น, I raise my voice, I gentle & I coax with poor outcomes. Hack la! Do what u want la! How many more years do we have to do all this mischievous acts?
Who is next?! Yes!!! Obviously, next would be my my mom's precious SON, my only blood related brother la!!! Another problematic MAN!!! Call yourself, a MAN? Come on la, how old are you? U have wasted half of ur life doing what? Please STOP & wait up ur ideas!!! STOP ur "RISK investment in Lion ten"! God damn it!!! When?!! Will I be free from your FONS ??? Try to save up some $$$MONEY!!! Even me, this stupidest idiot know that age is catching up & health is gradually report sick hence, save than risk it completely to build unnecessary AXE for yr national. We do not communicate as a family for care for each other, we are more like tenants n landlord living under one roof! I could forsee what alot of future problems u might face. However, probably our PA already predict it & he left u his matchbox shelter. Lucky u! Of course, I am jealous but happy for PA's arrangements. Even if now "PA" is sitting beside me, I am not scared to say this: PA, I am jealous of Ah Heng, have u forgotten that u also have a stupidest, dumb daughter? I have told PA before how I feel. I am not asking for any returns BUT please blessed us with a simple life in yr new world. Thank you.
Next... Work, politics... never ending stress for lazy me...being lazy, I can't meet others expectations... I am miserable so does the other parties. Upcoming HA on 5th March 2015! I think I can make. Politics... to me, such a smallest fry is a challenge! I do not wish to be sweep into the politic typhoon, I will feel terrible, no cure, no antidote & eventually die! Even though, my ideal plan is to move on to clinic when I am 35 years old but I feel abit regret for this 8months of new job scope. Well, I probably need to find ways to survive n live happily ever after. I need more more more time for adjustments. Hopefully I can make it by December 2015.
My 3rd uncle is another challenging man who smokes freely like a chimney. (MY BRO ALSO!!!) Why? Didn't u see how my PA suffer? He already WARNS u all to stop smoking ๐ฌ QUIT it! Nevertheless, ultimately it's ur OWN body! Do whatever u want. Do u know u all are also dragging us to hell cos we are also inhaling second-hand FOC toxic smoke? Is it fun to see us get potential CA free gift from God one day? Is this the way u all want us to suffer? Yayay. .. back to my theory- life is Short, never mind- just SMOKE while u like! Consequences comes later & it may be too late to do anything to service recover!
Am I having a lot of anger? Yes, 101% that I am angry because I didn't do anything to change or force changes. I've learned recently, u need a Vision in order to make changes will be carry out effectively. I only wish to be a SIMPLE STUPIDEST monkey ๐ with adequate amount of family love, care & concern, true friends that cares for me as what I am; a super passive person. Most importantly, my LC continues to understand me, pamper me like a princess even though I am getting older n uglier. I am always envious about old couples who share love n concern for each other, ;holding hands tightly worrying that other old man will steal her ่princess ๐ธ.
Thank you for listening. I am writing this blog under my block.... it's so late but it's so windy here. I am enjoying being ALONE. I used to go ECP to relax myself when I am troubled or bad things happened to me. Ok, my eyes is warning me..... eyes ๐ say " I don't understand why is she blogging at this time after Ah Fong sessions, after Kickboxing & after 3 mini bread intake!!!" Stop blogging la! I closing in 10mins! !! ๐
Let's start off with my MOM... told her not to eat this, drink that, do not do this, just do that BUT she simply couldn't listen, understanding & follow what I say!!! I could only nag nag nag, explain explain explain & repeat myself ample times with no positive results!!! I cry, I become monster ๐น, I raise my voice, I gentle & I coax with poor outcomes. Hack la! Do what u want la! How many more years do we have to do all this mischievous acts?
Who is next?! Yes!!! Obviously, next would be my my mom's precious SON, my only blood related brother la!!! Another problematic MAN!!! Call yourself, a MAN? Come on la, how old are you? U have wasted half of ur life doing what? Please STOP & wait up ur ideas!!! STOP ur "RISK investment in Lion ten"! God damn it!!! When?!! Will I be free from your FONS ??? Try to save up some $$$MONEY!!! Even me, this stupidest idiot know that age is catching up & health is gradually report sick hence, save than risk it completely to build unnecessary AXE for yr national. We do not communicate as a family for care for each other, we are more like tenants n landlord living under one roof! I could forsee what alot of future problems u might face. However, probably our PA already predict it & he left u his matchbox shelter. Lucky u! Of course, I am jealous but happy for PA's arrangements. Even if now "PA" is sitting beside me, I am not scared to say this: PA, I am jealous of Ah Heng, have u forgotten that u also have a stupidest, dumb daughter? I have told PA before how I feel. I am not asking for any returns BUT please blessed us with a simple life in yr new world. Thank you.
Next... Work, politics... never ending stress for lazy me...being lazy, I can't meet others expectations... I am miserable so does the other parties. Upcoming HA on 5th March 2015! I think I can make. Politics... to me, such a smallest fry is a challenge! I do not wish to be sweep into the politic typhoon, I will feel terrible, no cure, no antidote & eventually die! Even though, my ideal plan is to move on to clinic when I am 35 years old but I feel abit regret for this 8months of new job scope. Well, I probably need to find ways to survive n live happily ever after. I need more more more time for adjustments. Hopefully I can make it by December 2015.
My 3rd uncle is another challenging man who smokes freely like a chimney. (MY BRO ALSO!!!) Why? Didn't u see how my PA suffer? He already WARNS u all to stop smoking ๐ฌ QUIT it! Nevertheless, ultimately it's ur OWN body! Do whatever u want. Do u know u all are also dragging us to hell cos we are also inhaling second-hand FOC toxic smoke? Is it fun to see us get potential CA free gift from God one day? Is this the way u all want us to suffer? Yayay. .. back to my theory- life is Short, never mind- just SMOKE while u like! Consequences comes later & it may be too late to do anything to service recover!
Am I having a lot of anger? Yes, 101% that I am angry because I didn't do anything to change or force changes. I've learned recently, u need a Vision in order to make changes will be carry out effectively. I only wish to be a SIMPLE STUPIDEST monkey ๐ with adequate amount of family love, care & concern, true friends that cares for me as what I am; a super passive person. Most importantly, my LC continues to understand me, pamper me like a princess even though I am getting older n uglier. I am always envious about old couples who share love n concern for each other, ;holding hands tightly worrying that other old man will steal her ่princess ๐ธ.
Thank you for listening. I am writing this blog under my block.... it's so late but it's so windy here. I am enjoying being ALONE. I used to go ECP to relax myself when I am troubled or bad things happened to me. Ok, my eyes is warning me..... eyes ๐ say " I don't understand why is she blogging at this time after Ah Fong sessions, after Kickboxing & after 3 mini bread intake!!!" Stop blogging la! I closing in 10mins! !! ๐
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Happy birthday ๐
Today is CNY ๅไธ aka ไบบๆฅ which means it's everyone's birthday ๐! Happy birthday everyone before the clock strikes 12MN!
Some people/family will practice ๆ้ฑผ็!!
After work, I went to BKP to purchase my pay day craving dinner since mom is not cooking. Saw so many people queuing at Ichiban boshi to buy ้ฑผ็ home. So envy! I always envy people who share close relationship with family members and relative especially big family ๐ช. So nice, everyone gather together to ๆ้ฑผ็lor!
Overheard a couple conversation. ....
Husband: (noticing wifey looking at people who is queuing up to buy ้ฑผ็) He asked wifey," do you want to ๆ้ฑผ็? "
Wifey: Only the 2 of us, how to ๆ้ฑผ็, cannot finish also.
Husband: Take out his HP & start to make arrangements.
Me: So envious cos they could just call their family or friends to join in. So nice.
That's impossible for me to contact people to do this type of events...
Nevertheless, I had a full craving meal as requested by my tummy. Japanese rice, wakami salad $6.30๐จ, fried chicken ๐ for dinner alone.
Today is ไบบๆฅ, can i make a wish?
Wished all can have good health, good weather & good career.
Some people/family will practice ๆ้ฑผ็!!
After work, I went to BKP to purchase my pay day craving dinner since mom is not cooking. Saw so many people queuing at Ichiban boshi to buy ้ฑผ็ home. So envy! I always envy people who share close relationship with family members and relative especially big family ๐ช. So nice, everyone gather together to ๆ้ฑผ็lor!
Overheard a couple conversation. ....
Husband: (noticing wifey looking at people who is queuing up to buy ้ฑผ็) He asked wifey," do you want to ๆ้ฑผ็? "
Wifey: Only the 2 of us, how to ๆ้ฑผ็, cannot finish also.
Husband: Take out his HP & start to make arrangements.
Me: So envious cos they could just call their family or friends to join in. So nice.
That's impossible for me to contact people to do this type of events...
Nevertheless, I had a full craving meal as requested by my tummy. Japanese rice, wakami salad $6.30๐จ, fried chicken ๐ for dinner alone.
Today is ไบบๆฅ, can i make a wish?
Wished all can have good health, good weather & good career.
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